Signs

We all experience a time in our lives when we search for signs, to help direct us as we go through our journey called LIFE.  But do we need direction why not be like the wind, go every direction don’t take time at the cross roads thinking “which way should I go?” as they say time is precious.  Be like the wind go every direction and so you will not have to go through life thinking you went the wrong way, because you went every way and after going round you have saved time and return when it suits you.

·         Go North because it made you beyond happy.

·         Go West because you experienced something new, tasted new food, made new friends, learnt how to handle yourself , you took the chance, you had guts.

·         Go South to run away and not want to be, even if it was for a heart beat, to just have that space your own world where everyone in that world is you, imagine how to make your hidden thoughts a reality.

·         Go East where you were sad, depressed disappointed by others, heart broken all the sadness in the world.

Direction: (Oxford...) “A course along which someone or something moves; the way something faces.”

A compass well usually we think compass and first thing that comes to mind is North, East, South, West (NESW), but like our life we have to think beyond that. We go through so much we can’t only have four directions, so we have a few more;

North-East

North-West

South-East

South-West

Which makes eight ways to turn, but then again a compass is by human standards 360°, I think our lives we have so many options 360 ways to turn, random I know... there is always an option or is there ? Maybe too many when we look west to the sunset, quickly distracted by the moon and stars coming out as the sun rising to the East!

Finding direction can be so difficult I think, and sometimes it takes time ,help , thinking , going with that little voice in your head,, or like in cartoons the little devil and angel on either side of your shoulder.  A lot people turn to God for help which is I think is one of the best places.We are like children and God being our so awesome parent wants us to learn and how else will you know fire burns unless you touch it, tough love maybe but love is LOVE is it not. 

We have friend’s, family to turn to as well but sometimes it’s just a waste of time on the person who we have turned to or when we do decide to change direction the person we find standing in front of us.  We have all gone through that period when we get advice and sadly do the exact opposite, the example at the top of my head, relationship advice “Leave him/her alone his/she’s no good!”  I really wonder which part of the brain just lets the common sense go or maybe it’s the bit connected to our emotion meter the heart.

Having thought of these directions eight /360 of them I was thinking maybe I could be West-East, East-West, North-South, South-North which would be in the middle the cross road, intersection.

Intersect (Oxford...) “divide or cross by passing or lying across.”

So would there be North with out East, etc hmmm?

Trash

So I have been listening to “Wandirasa” by Chiwoniso Maraire local Zimbabwean artist, religiously and names have been popping into my head, not so many a couple, I lie about a quad lol. Just thought I’d put a laugh in there. So yes “Wandirasa” meaning “have thrown me away” it is a break up song, a beautiful one too. So when I thought being thrown away I thought of trash, for someone to dispose of you, they would have deemed you trash. Having had you new and used you till their hearts fulfillment, and then decide that your time to be used has come to an end. They would have done all they can think of wash you till the color comes out of you, recycle you, use your till there is nothing left of you and throw you in the trash, they leave you in a state that even the homeless will not want. And at times after throwing you into the trash at night they go to sleep and while in bed realize it was a mistake and wake up in the morning, too late the trash is gone. But homeless people, well beggar's are not choosers, I don’t think that makes sense at all but yes you know the “Saying beggar’s are not choosers” <

Portrait

Look good in pictures; take so many until you know, you have satisfied that those who will see, what you think is acceptable. You have that moment away from lens, look in the mirror and do not see the person you’ve been taking pictures of.  You look a bit closer and see a master piece.  Its actually paint splatted on a rainbow canvas.  So many have seen but had no idea what they were looking at.  They are not art critics, well they have no idea what ART is. They call it a lot of words ugly rubbish they don’t know.  They have no art culture, and comes a critic who for a moment seems to know, and makes it so priceless almost like the Queens crown jewels but then, doubts its price and sells to the highest bidder.

                                                                                                                                                    

Her paint is somewhat like all the other paintings she has met, but hers is unique, beautiful like no other.  Those who have had the chance to see this portrait, some thought it was an imitation, seeing a dark dot, not knowing they just had to move it slightly and gently and will see it isn’t a spot but the shadow  from a small hole, the sun pierces through to get a glimpse of this portrait.  It is like the Monalisa whose facial expression is said to be “enigmatic”, not knowing if she is smiling or frowning. But she knows she is a work of art awaiting that paint critic, who will know she is the original and place her in her own gallery. 

    

She has been in the most amazing, beautiful galleries, oh how beautiful from having her own exhibition’s to sharing with some, not close to her in her beauty.  Her beauty being her history.  Others history combined could not be compared to what she has been through.  From going through the Black-market to being left in the trenches of dark allies, to being in antic stores.  She had a book on what people believed to be her history, but they have never gotten her story quite right.  They only need to get closer and see her story is on her frame chipped, the quality of the wood, no one else has.  She knows how each brush stroked on her canvas.  Her painter used different brushes, not magic but special with a history before her.  Old brushes with bristles missing, new and old paint and her not having words kept it all with her waiting, for one gifted enough or just one who does see what is there and not what they would want to see.  I would love to keep writing but then I would let out all her secrets and her hidden place may be found.

Devine Intervention

so this morning i woke up, and a bible was on the table my heart was troubled so thought let me take a look and see what God had to say to me today about my friend, how to help her and those around her who love her God is there always, do not lose hope and faith.

Chapter 1

Psalms 55: 4 My heart is severely pained within me, & the terrors of death have fallen upon me.

Matthew  7:8 Knock & it will be opened to you, for everyone who asks receives.

{we knock O Lord please hear all our prays for Thandie but most of all Lord hear your daughter Thandie’s prayers Lord, you know what is in our souls Lord.}

Deuteronomy 3: 22 You must not fear them for the Lord your God Himself fights for you.

{You have shown us Lord that even when our human minds were giving up you did not give up but you fought for her Lord please Lord do not stop fighting for our friend}

Psalms 41:3  The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness, You will sustain him on his sickbed.

{As she lies in that bed Lord please let your spirit be with her  whole body, you know the pain she feels Lord tinongo kumbira Mwari kuti mwana wenyu muchengete isu tisiri kukwanisa kuvapo naye.}

John 17: 15 I do not pray that you should take them out of this world but, that you should keep them from the evil one.

{Lord please let evry place she is the Devil not come close Lord }

Psalms 41:1b The Lord will deliver him in the time of trouble.

{and Lord we know you will deliver your daughter from this bad time, as you have done over this period of time you are never far but close beside her Lord holding her hand.}

Psalms 72:12a For he will deliver the needy when he cries.

                  :13b  And will save the souls of the needy.

{Lord we do not want to be selfish all our prayers Lord are for Thandie  we are needy for her health her strength}

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weakness. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought but the spirit himself.  Makes intercession for us within groaning that cannot be uttered.

{Lord we are of the flesh and weakness surrounds us, may your spirit intercede for us} 

1Corinthians 2:3 I was with you in weakness in fear and in much trembling.

STRENGTH

2 Chronicles 16:9a For the eyes of the Lord go to and fro throughout the earth to show Himself.  Strong and behalf of those whose heart is loyal to him.

{Lord you see us all over the world , you hear our cries and prayers, may you grant our heart desire for protection of Thandie}

Hebrews 12:12 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down & the feeble knees.

1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord & his strength

                                  Seek his face evermore

1 Chronicles 29:12a In your hands is power and might!

HEALING

Jeremiah8:15 We looked for peace , but no good came, And for a time of health and there was     trouble!

                8:22b Why then is there no recovery for the health of the daughter of my people?

                14:9 Why should you be like a man astonished, like a might one who cannot save? Yet you O Lord are in our midst, And we are called by your name.  Do not leave us!

{Lord do not leave us, we do not ask for a sign for Lord we do believe , for you have shown us we believe you have shown us through Thandie.  You opened our eyes Lord to you awesome power.}

Her Beauty:

Genesis 12:11b Indeed it is known that you are a woman of beautiful countenance.

{Your beauty friend is indescribable you are beautiful in and out!}

Freedom:

John 8:36 Therefore if the Son makes you free you shall be free indeed.

Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you & learn from me , for I am gentle and Lowly in my heart and you will find rest for your soul.

{Free in spirit and from the pain you have , we do not want to see you hurt but God knows my friend and when the time will come for this pain to stop, but now may our love help the pain}

Suffocating

its been a good bad week... and today my focus and emotions are on an all time low i wish i could just scream i need a sound proof room just to let out the voice i never let out ,,,the thoughts that scratch the wall begging to come out but i wont let them ...because i feel weak.. or maybe i see the people or words i will be going against be stronger...... i am  suffocating it hurts i wanna smile ..i am happy but the inner bit of me the walls have been worn out by the nails of my thoughts ...the nails themselves have been worn out but my fingers are bleeding...

WHAT HAVE YOU WISHED FOR?

WHAT HAVE YOU WISHED FOR?

I have so many things i have found my human self wanting. What u ask? Silly things like being part of a certain crowd, having certain friends and being able to do certain things. I think i have gotten certain things i thought to myself i wanted. But i realised i should have made conditions with them. I don’t know if i can say God or the universe gave me what i wanted, and the phrase "be careful what you wish for", well i beyond understand it "words are powerful" even not said out loud. We have had certain friends which when, parents tell you know these are not the type of people you need to hang with rebelled and hang with them anyway. Until they derail you emotionally physically, get some reputation you don’t need ,go against morals that you set for yourself because friends might do things for you that you think you, in a way owe them. You do certain things unconsciously. Everyday i thank God for allowing me to go through the bad times, bad people and helped me grow and not fall prey to a certain situation.

Gets me thinking when elders say "we were once your age", you wonder what they went through. Life is a journey and it’s about making mistakes. Sadly i have found myself making certain mistakes over and over and only realise when it’s been done. I wish i could tattoo them all so it sinks in "skin deep", but the time i do take to realise the mistakes, situations is now shorter and helps me recover sooner. So its only a matter of time till i stop making the mistakes. Well are they mistakes? I ask myself. Maybe because it all happens the same way i keep thinking to myself its a mistake because it ends with me with ‘egg on my face’ *yuck*. I seem to be making the same mistake over and over again as if my mind or some part of me is expecting it to happen the right way. Like try, try; try again if at first you don’t succeed. I wish i could try, and if it doesn’t work destroy all evidence that i even tried to the world and those who were part of the failed attempts.

I’m hoping by the end of the year i will somehow have gotten the tattoos to remind me, and of cause they will be in invisible ink! Would not want to get the side-eye from this judgemental world. I’m fine with being judged for my randomness, the tattoos would just add to much attention. LOL

Her Thoughts

I feel used; people tend to take me as just almost the right size to fit a
void like a puzzle.  And when the piece of their life I was filling in for, well rather "feeling" in for
comes, I’m sent to the shredder.  But how many times can I be shredded and
put back together?  I always reassemble glue and tape, kind of like trying
to solve a case in C.S.I , you  know when they put the pieces of shredded paper
back together.  But it’s never perfect is it? The more you shred the harder it
is to put back.  Best idea would be to print a new copy and make it colour.
But copy means:" a replica which just looks like the original but actually
isn't."

Ah this life of mine is a circle really it is, events happen over and over I
don’t realize it till the new one is coming to an end and I go through my set
chapters of my life but I always get new characters, that I will get into
some other time. I noticed and I think it’s interesting like this
verse “
*Ecclesiastes 1 vs 10 ‘is there anything of which it may be said, “see, this is new”?* *It
has already been in ancient times before us”.* This helps me go thru the bad
day’s times and wonder if anyone else in the world is going thru a bad hair
day, heartache, have they lost someone in life etc.